ingrid @ingrid@everything.happens.horse

Tonight may have to be another watch Fury Road night

I think this would not have been so wildly uncomfortable if I hadn't just had a very affirming conversation at the same holiday party about how this job ending really made me feel disposable to an organization I helped build. Hearing someone instrumental in disposing of me talk about how it's been hard for *her* with all the changes at work...I can't.

Just got the most fake ass sideways apology of my life and had to walk away because it was making me nauseous, welp goodbye

I should probably leave, right, should I take my entire uneaten pie with me or nah

I'm at a party where someone instrumental in killing my old job showed up just after I finished talking shit about her with a former colleague and I literally just said "oh hi we were just talking about your toxic employer", so pretty sure I'm doing great

I tend to ignore this anniversary a little because seventeen days later is the anniversary of my father's death but idk multiples of five have some weird resonance

Fuck, tomorrow I'll be five years sober

My favorite part of going to yoga classes more regularly is continuing to be utterly indifferent to yoga as a "practice"

I'm pretty sure that even normal people who aren't suicidal have trouble answering the question of why they are alive or what makes them want to stay alive, but I feel like this should not be such a blank in my head.

The last few weeks have been really good for grounding myself and developing healthier habits and patterns. The suicidal ideation has been really quiet and I am pretty sure I'm not going to try to die, but I'm sort of at a loss in trying to figure out why to live.

https://wearyourvoicemag.com/identities/race/fuck-lena-dunham-white-feminist "Imagine if the white feminists who charge the world with raising fewer Harvey Weinsteins, Louis CKs, and Elliott Rodgers were also invested in raising fewer Lena Dunhams."

Ugh I hate Christmas music but I love Clarence saxophone solos what to do

Update: they are playing the Springsteen cover of "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" so I'm definitely being watched and will soon have to fight a ninja

I'm sitting outside in Florida and it's incredibly pleasant but also because I am on Disney property there is aggressively cheerful Christmas music playing constantly, so it feels like I'm about to be murdered by an assassin in a Tarantino movie

I regret to inform you that based on the background music playing at all times at this Disney hotel I gave a talk at, we are still losing the War on Christmas

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lance_Henriksen today's wholesome palate cleanser is the amazing life of Lance Henrikson, who played Bishop in Aliens and also learned to read when he was 30 and writes comic books and also loves ceramics??

Today's vibe

Never forget that time Johnny Cash did a cover of Will Oldham's song "I See A Darkness" Oldham mistakenly thought it was a duet and flew out for the recording and to make it not awkward Cash had Oldham sing backup vocals and it ended up sounding beautiful, may we all be as gracious as Johnny Cash

Remember when the Terminator becoming a governor was the wildest political circus anyone could imagine, welp